Yuks earlier than the actual yuck
Right now, the one topic is New York.
The costs are up and the administration’s down . . . Born bare, moist and hungry, boys get slapped on the ass and it goes downhill from there . . . One stripper awoke after a giant night time, discovered her garments on and yelled: “I’ve been draped” . . . One other realized: By no means smack a man within the face who’s chewing tobacco.
With intercourse on the market on the road, males will now put on zippers at half mast and like exercise on days starting with T: as we speak, Thursday, tomorrow, Thanksgiving, Thaturday and Thunday . . . NYC’s Sanitation Dept. is devoting its November trash pickup to politicians . . . Some candidates, free to run, even made bail.
Aged New York gents all play golf — a small ball chased by guys too previous to chase the rest . . . Computer systems are getting too human. One CEO went to jail as a result of his laptop computer turned state’s proof . . . One mistake and also you’re known as an fool. Laptop makes a mistake and it’s a malfunction.
Communist: A nothing who desires to share his nothing with all people, or one who borrows your pot to prepare dinner your goose . . . Dental affected person: “Look, no cavities — however all my gums are gone” . . . In Hell, requested if the detainee most well-liked Communist or Capitalist part, stated “Capitalist. Then I do know the heating received’t work.”
Some free recommendation
By no means purchase a night robe from a merchandising machine, or a mortgage firm that claims “Don’t borrow from buddies. Take from us. You’ll lose your folks. You’ll by no means lose us,” or from an employment company that claims: “Woman wants job. Keen to wrestle if given the chance.”
Respect America!
Drive final yr’s automotive, put on this yr’s garments, reside on subsequent yr’s earnings . . . Bear in mind: In case your first husband desires to marry you once more, he could also be after the cash you had married him for. It’s America. Land of alternative. Everybody can nonetheless be a taxpayer.
One factor about being bald — it’s neat . . . He seems to be like one thing I shot into the facet pocket this afternoon . . . The employer hires married males as a substitute of bachelors. Why? “The married ones don’t get so upset in the event you yell at them” . . . He says he’s not bald, however he has the widest half I’ve ever seen.
Seedy-looking gent approached a well-dressed sort on Park Avenue with: “Are you able to lend me $25? I’ve no place to sleep and no meals.” Nicely-dressed man: “How do I do know you received’t take this cash and purchase medication?” Bum: “No approach. That sort of cash I’ve already received.”
Due to all
And all the time bear in mind the immortal phrases of certainly one of our earlier mayors, who was as soon as requested for $125 for a cup of espresso. The mayor stated: “$125 only for a cup of espresso?” And the vagrant stated: “Nicely, I can’t go into a pleasant restaurant dressed like this!”
So: Thanks for voting. Thanks for loving New York. Thanks for appreciating America. And all the time bear in mind the immortal phrases of 1 mayor whose identify I already forgot: “To take pleasure in a superb popularity — give publicly and steal privately.”
Blissful day after Election Day.
